just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
