you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
