Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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