Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
