3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I look better un-naked...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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