Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
