Umm I'm too high to move.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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