Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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