I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
