i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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