Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
