Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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