We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
