I cannot find my penis.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
