so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
