"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
