It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
