hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
