Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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