after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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