finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
