my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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