I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
