sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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