we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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