R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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