we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
