im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
