At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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