I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
