She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
