Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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