I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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