Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
