My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
