You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
