he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
