ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
