He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
