I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
