well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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