its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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