K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
