very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
