And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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