I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
