So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
