He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
