Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
