so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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