HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to have your abortion
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
