I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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