maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
