I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
