Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
