I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
