After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
