i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
