he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dicks are not precious.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
