Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
