And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize