glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
