my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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