god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
