good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
