No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
