The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
