So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize