the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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