I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize